In sickness and in health

As 2014 is knocking on my door, it makes me remember how 2013 turned out. We got both of a precious babies, Bella and Kirk. We bought our first house. Allen got a new job. We lost my grandfather to a stage 4 brain tumor. I got a new car. Allen and I grew close together than the year before. We have truly been blessed this year beyond belief. 

The past few weeks have been probably the most emotionally and physically draining this year. A week and a half before Christmas, I went to the doctor with intense abdominal pain. She did a xray of my spleen and colon and they both looked fine. Two weeks worth of two different antibiotics and we were on our way back home. Two days of vomiting and nausea and a ultrasound later, they discovered "spots" on my liver and waited for the radiologist to make the next move. Before we could get the doctors instructions of what to do next, I was at the ER with the pain again. This time it was in my back and abdomen and nothing I could do could relief it. 3 hours and a CT later we find out the cause of my pain: inflamed intestines. She saw the spots on my liver but wasn't as consurned. Could be fatty spots or calcium deposits but were a big deal. Inflamed intestines usually mean IBD (irritable bowel disease). 

Ordered to rest and change diet until appointment with GI next week. 

Christmas Eve, had an appointment with the gastroenterologist.  Because of the family history, she ordered a colonoscopy and endoscopy for the following week. If you've never had a colonoscopy before it was an experience like no other. You have to drink this stuff the night before that for better words, clears you out. It is an awful mixture of salt water and cough syrup that I had to gag down not once but twice. You can only have a clear liquid diet. So I spent the day with wonton soup(no wontons), jello, and butter scotch hard candies. At least that was the worst part of the whole experience. 

After all was said and done, the dr said it went very well. Imflamation had receded, no polyps to biopsy or signs of Chrons disease. They took some samples to biopsy and test for Celiacs and to check for microscopic colitis. 

Glad to have some answers and glad that part is over with. Hopefully won't have to have another one of those for another 26 years. 

We are praying that 2014 is going to be our turn around year. That I will get the right job that God has for me. That my health will bounce back. That our marriage will continue to blossom more next year. 

If you actually finished reading, you deserve a cookie. 

a prayer for me

As I sit here in my warm comfy chair and watch the rain/sleet coming down I realize that I have to go out. I can hear the sound of it hitting the back door but other than that, udder silence. The dogs are down for their afternoon nap and it's almost as if no one is home. I know one day I will pray for silence such as this. Praying for the moment that I can sit in this comfy chair and be by myself and write in peace and quite.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy but I have found a few days to myself. Allen's Birthday was the second week of November. I got him Predators tickets and he went to the Mighty Men's Conference up in Nashville with our church. Even though the women couldn't go, well I mean I guess we could go just would have gotten some weird looks, but even though it wasn't for us we were secretly watching. Well, probably not "secretly" but my husband didn't know I was watching. Yes, it was catered to men but I got a lot out it too. At the end, Angus was praying and started praying for the sick. Those with high blood pressure, depression, and many other illnesses. He then mentioned those facing infertility. Allen and I both said he was speaking to us. Angus prayed that whatever was causing the infertility that it would be lifted and God would grant us the family we had been praying for and the desires of out heart. Many people, friends and family, came to me and said that they had watched the conference and immediately thought of us.

When I see/hear/read people complain about being pregnant or their babies/children it makes me upset and sad for them. They don't know what a special gift they have.  Yeah, I know they can been stressful and a headache but they are your headache. Be thankful everyday for your children born or not. Be thankful that you were able to be pregnant easy or not.  Be cautious of what you post on facebook because you don't know that it might offend someone reading it.

Food for Thought,

Breakfast of champions

I, like so many people, am addicted to Pinterest. Finally a place that my plans/ideas/recipes can be saved so I, like most people, won't forget them.

This mornings pinteresting breakfast was scrumptious. Cinnamon Rolls! Even though they were gluten free they tasted like they came from Cinnabon. Below is her website with the recipe. She eve has a video when it comes time to roll them. 

http://recreatinghappiness.com/breakfast-recipes/gluten-free-cinnabon-copycat-cinnamon-roll-recipe-updated-and-now-easier-to-make/

This recipe is going to be a definite "make again".

Going gluten free

Since August, my household has gone gluten free. Well, Allen is on board at home but outside of the house it's wheat overload. The first few weeks were the hardest. But then they would be for any lifestyle change. Learning what has gluten and what doesn't. Cleaning out the pantry and fridge. Learning to grocery shop more often. Keep more fresh stuff than we did. Not saying we ate horrible but definitely a lot of gluten. 

I am enjoying trying new recipes especially the sweeter ones. Last week I made white chocolate walnut chocolate chip cookies.

They were delicious if I do say so myself and so did everyone who tried them. If Allen eats anything gluten free it must be pretty good. So finally, here is the recipe once I remembered all what I put in. 

Ashely's white chocolate Walnut chocolate chip cookies

1 1/2 cups rice flour

1/2cup potato starch

1/4cup tapioca starch

1 teaspoon Xanthan gum

1 teaspoon backing powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup butter

3/4 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla

1/2-1 cup chocolate chips

1/2-1 cup white chocolate chips

1 package of chopped walnuts or pecans

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Combine flour, potato starch, tapioca starch, baking powder, baking soda, salt, Xanthan gum. Set aside.

Combine soften butter, brown sugar and sugar in bowl. Beat at medium speed until creamy. Add eggs and vanilla. Gradually add flour mixture, beating until well mixed. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts. 

Drop dough with table spoon two inches apart. Bake 9-12 minutes until light golden brown. Let stand 1-2 minutes. 

Packing up

Last December, we were coming up to our lease expiring on our apartment. Not having a place to move to or any idea where to move, we renewed for another 6 months. Come February, I began getting kind of antsy. Only 4 more months and we haven't even began looking. Of course, Allen is like no big deal. "It will all work out" he says. It wont work out if we don't start looking and end up on the side of the street. So, we begin looking. We intended on renting again since I didn't have a permanent teaching job yet, but God had different plans. 3 months later we are only a few weeks from buying our first house.

So, while I am working in the nursery 18 hours and the WISTEM Progams Director for the summer 20 hours a week, I am suppose to pack up everything that has accumulated in our tiny apartment this past year and a half. And search for jobs. Can't forget about that.

 If you know Allen and I at all, you know how much we love kids. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mommy. Just ask my own, she will tell you. We have been praying for God to give us that gift for quite a while. We have been praying for over a year that my health would be restored for us to be able to be parents. After being so persistent, we were kind of smacked in the face with reality. I guess we weren't listening very well and that's what it took to get our attention. We told that our chances of having a child is slim to none was devastating. I cried and cried not understanding. It made me sick. I know God has plans and obviously our plans are not exactly lining up with his. What now? We go on. Go into teaching this fall. Allen starts his new shift and goes back to school. and when it's Gods timing, it will happen.

Losing my mind

I can definitely say without a doubt that God has a major plan for my life. Through the cancer, MRIs, seizures, hospital stays, medications, horrible teen age years, and the PCOS; He has always been there even though I don't always see it.

 The past few weeks or so have been a real trial of faith for both of us. We found out my neurosurgeon of 9 years is moving to Pensacola, Florida to join the Sacred Heart Children's Hospital and build their pediatric neurosurgery program. I know..... It for a good cause and he has other children that need his help now. If you know me, I am not good with change and it resulted in lots of tissues and doing absolutely nothing. So, it has not been an easy transition to grasp the thought of having to get a new doctor. 

Since the surgery, my academic abilities are no where to where they were before. But, I graduated with a great GPA and got into college. 5 1/2 years later and a B.S. in chemistry and biology and I am going to be a teacher. Little did we know what affects the seizures and the tumor will have years later. 

Well, it's years down the road and I have lost/losing bits of my memory. Childhood memories, when Allen and I were dating, but the biggest thing is most of my Chemistry information. I was suppose to take my Chemistry praxis test to get my liscence to teach but I can't remember anything. I have tried reteaching from chapter 1 but it is all a foreign language. Doctor said it could come back but studies show it only gets worse. I know that God is the miraculous healer. If I am meant to remember it then it will all come back. If not, then this is where we are and I will be a great biology teacher.

Change of plans

It's been about a month since my interim was completed. I realized subbing wasn't wasn't my forte. For the past 3 weeks, not only have I been recouping, but Easter planning has been in full swing. It feels weird that Easter is only 3 days away. All the preparation is finally going to pay off. The past week I have been at the church more times than a normal week. Not that its a bad thing because everyone could use a little more church. 4 weeks of prep for 2 days of celebration is well worth the work. So, What's next?

Next week I plunge into chemistry. Yes, I graduated with a degree in chemistry and biology but in all of those chemistry classes I got to use a calculator for the most basic of problems. With the chemistry praxis test at the end of April, I am having to reteach myself how to do all the math by hand. T-minus 30 days till test day.

If you stalk me on Facebook then you know about the house. About 2 weeks ago, Allen decided that
We should buy a house instead of renting one. So, the hunt began. With our lease ending in June we didn't know how long it would take to find one and get the ball rolling. We found some we loved but all of them were either already in contract or went off the market the day after we looked at them. God surely shut the doors on the houses that weren't for us. Then last Friday we found the perfect one. It was a little  more than we wanted to pay but after much prayer I felt reassured that we would, financially, be able to do it. The next day, the sellers accepted our offer and we got pre approved for a mortgage. When do we move in? Not until June. The sellers are buying a house and it isn't done until June so instead of breaking our lease, we both will  just stay where we are. A win for both parties.

A good house wife

The past two months we have been on a grand adventure. We finally learned how our lives would be when I started teaching come fall. I took an interim position at a local high school for 7 weeks teaching biology. It began on January 3 when everyone came back from Christmas break and ended last Friday, February 22.  What I learned from my experience is that I miss the middle schoolers! If I could teacher chemistry or biology to middle schoolers I most definitely would. This experience helped me see what kind of teacher I currently am and what I want to become. How do I want to do things? How do I want my students to behave? How do I want to be treated when it comes to my own classroom?

 We  realized how much we cherish time with each other. Now, this was close to student teaching but on a much grander scale. With Allen working second shift (2-10) our time together is valuable. It was more hard on me than him. The way he explained it was this. He sleeps all day until about noon, gets up and ready, works from 2-10, comes home unwinds until 2 or 3 in the morning then goes to sleep. There is no real down time for him to think about it. Now for me, its a completely different story. Get up at 6, get ready and out the door for school until 4:30, come home cook dinner (or not) and clean up a little (or not), then down time until 9 almost every day. So there is plenty of time for me to get lonely and it took a major tow on our relationship. The past few days I haven't been able to get enough of him and now he says I can be a housewife which means that everything stays clean and tidy, dinner is waiting when he gets home and I am not so grumpy anymore. We will see how that goes. :)

I am still learning that God has his reasons and timing for everything. One thing I am not good with is turning things over to Him. I like control and holding onto everything. But I realized something i guess about December (yes it took that long), once I gave our fertility issues over things began to change. He placed a new doctor at our feet and she actually knows what PCOS is and how to actively treat it. Her first words weren't "The only way to treat it is by you losing weight." She looked at me as a person. She looked at Allen and I as a couple wanting answers. She got my PCOS under control and is now helping us trying to begin writing the next chapter in our book of life. I think God was waiting for us to come back to Him and let go of the hold of control that was so tight for so long.