Our Life as We Know It... The Next Chapter

I wasn't sure what to title this post because it is so close to my heart. That is why it is was left blank. But this blog is a way for me to express and explain what I am feeling and what is going on with my life. Our life for that matter.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Do not be afraid… for I am with you… declares the Lord.“ Jeremiah 1:5,8

7 weeks ago,  Allen and I found out we were expecting our first child. We were ecstatic! This child would be the first grandchild and great grandchild. Couldn't wait to surprise our families at Christmas. The whole thing was planned out. A few days after Thanksgiving we miscarried. We lost our baby. It was the hardest thing Allen and I have had to go through together. I couldn't understand, we both couldn't. A few days after, we found out his brother and girl friend were having a baby. I didn't want to be angry because anger wasn't going to get me anywhere but I was. I was angry that we had waited until we got married. We had done everything we were suppose to and our baby was in heaven and not with us. Does that sound selfish? I still don't understand and probably wont ever until we see him/her again.

I think it was harder on Allen then me. having to see how hard I took it and how much emotional and physical pain I was in took a tole on him. We couldn't really explain why it happened. He didn't want to talk about it for the longest time. I guess bottling it up was his only solution. If we didn't talk about it, it never really happened. But in fact it did. Some days are good but others are not. One day the Lord will give us that special child when the timing is right.

“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:2-4,6-9