Chapter 1...

For those intrigued:

My favorite time of the year is Christmas. I love buying gifts for others, earning the Christmas songs being played non-stop on the radio, watching Christmas movies over and over, making homemade hot chocolate and all the ornament exchanges. I also love decorating my house. Allen puts the Christmas lights outside and I have the inside. Unfortunately, the devil knows it's my favorite season and so he has been working overtime to steal and destroy my joy this holiday season. In fact, I'm starting to think that he has my number on speed dial.

When Allen and I first began our fertility journey 4 years ago, we were told we had a 3% chance of having children on our own. I've had countless blood draws, daily pills and shots to try to correct a problem that I was believed to have. 4 years of feeling that we might never have the family we've talked about since before we were married. This last appointment was the best news we have heard so far. The doctor didn't see any reason why we couldn't have children on our own. My tests came back normal as did Allen's. There is no other way except a divine intervention from the Lord that my hormones could level out from where they were. This brought a new light into our home and marriage. The idea of children isn't so far fetched anymore.

About a week later I got a call from the doctor that insurance will not cover anything that deals with infertility. They won't cover the doctor appointments, the testing or anything labeled "fertility". We were devastated. How would we be able to do it? Where do we go now? We can't afford it. After a day, I began to feel peace. "Okay, God we will wait for your timing." The Holy Spirit nudged me not to seek any fertility testing or treatments.  We have started praying specifically, by name, for the children He will give us. Praying with the blanket that he/she will be swaddled in for warmth.

The Bible says, "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Confidence: firm trust

Hope: joyful, confidence expectation

Assurance: A strong and define statement that something will happen

Hebrews 11:1 can be read like this, "Now faith is having a firm trust in what we are joyfully and confidently expecting and we have a positive statement about what we do not see."

I know our journey hasn't been that long as others. For us, whose families are VERY fertile, not being able to conceive in such an easy fashion has been a hard journey. It hasn't been easy watching everyone around me announce their pregnancy news while doctors tell me methods and medications I should try. It hasn't been easy sitting and waiting. But I will continue to wait. And I will do so patiently. Because He who promised is faithful.

"The LORD will grant you abundant property- in the fruit of your womb..." -Deuteronomy 28:11