Packing up

Last December, we were coming up to our lease expiring on our apartment. Not having a place to move to or any idea where to move, we renewed for another 6 months. Come February, I began getting kind of antsy. Only 4 more months and we haven't even began looking. Of course, Allen is like no big deal. "It will all work out" he says. It wont work out if we don't start looking and end up on the side of the street. So, we begin looking. We intended on renting again since I didn't have a permanent teaching job yet, but God had different plans. 3 months later we are only a few weeks from buying our first house.

So, while I am working in the nursery 18 hours and the WISTEM Progams Director for the summer 20 hours a week, I am suppose to pack up everything that has accumulated in our tiny apartment this past year and a half. And search for jobs. Can't forget about that.

 If you know Allen and I at all, you know how much we love kids. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a mommy. Just ask my own, she will tell you. We have been praying for God to give us that gift for quite a while. We have been praying for over a year that my health would be restored for us to be able to be parents. After being so persistent, we were kind of smacked in the face with reality. I guess we weren't listening very well and that's what it took to get our attention. We told that our chances of having a child is slim to none was devastating. I cried and cried not understanding. It made me sick. I know God has plans and obviously our plans are not exactly lining up with his. What now? We go on. Go into teaching this fall. Allen starts his new shift and goes back to school. and when it's Gods timing, it will happen.

Losing my mind

I can definitely say without a doubt that God has a major plan for my life. Through the cancer, MRIs, seizures, hospital stays, medications, horrible teen age years, and the PCOS; He has always been there even though I don't always see it.

 The past few weeks or so have been a real trial of faith for both of us. We found out my neurosurgeon of 9 years is moving to Pensacola, Florida to join the Sacred Heart Children's Hospital and build their pediatric neurosurgery program. I know..... It for a good cause and he has other children that need his help now. If you know me, I am not good with change and it resulted in lots of tissues and doing absolutely nothing. So, it has not been an easy transition to grasp the thought of having to get a new doctor. 

Since the surgery, my academic abilities are no where to where they were before. But, I graduated with a great GPA and got into college. 5 1/2 years later and a B.S. in chemistry and biology and I am going to be a teacher. Little did we know what affects the seizures and the tumor will have years later. 

Well, it's years down the road and I have lost/losing bits of my memory. Childhood memories, when Allen and I were dating, but the biggest thing is most of my Chemistry information. I was suppose to take my Chemistry praxis test to get my liscence to teach but I can't remember anything. I have tried reteaching from chapter 1 but it is all a foreign language. Doctor said it could come back but studies show it only gets worse. I know that God is the miraculous healer. If I am meant to remember it then it will all come back. If not, then this is where we are and I will be a great biology teacher.

Change of plans

It's been about a month since my interim was completed. I realized subbing wasn't wasn't my forte. For the past 3 weeks, not only have I been recouping, but Easter planning has been in full swing. It feels weird that Easter is only 3 days away. All the preparation is finally going to pay off. The past week I have been at the church more times than a normal week. Not that its a bad thing because everyone could use a little more church. 4 weeks of prep for 2 days of celebration is well worth the work. So, What's next?

Next week I plunge into chemistry. Yes, I graduated with a degree in chemistry and biology but in all of those chemistry classes I got to use a calculator for the most basic of problems. With the chemistry praxis test at the end of April, I am having to reteach myself how to do all the math by hand. T-minus 30 days till test day.

If you stalk me on Facebook then you know about the house. About 2 weeks ago, Allen decided that
We should buy a house instead of renting one. So, the hunt began. With our lease ending in June we didn't know how long it would take to find one and get the ball rolling. We found some we loved but all of them were either already in contract or went off the market the day after we looked at them. God surely shut the doors on the houses that weren't for us. Then last Friday we found the perfect one. It was a little  more than we wanted to pay but after much prayer I felt reassured that we would, financially, be able to do it. The next day, the sellers accepted our offer and we got pre approved for a mortgage. When do we move in? Not until June. The sellers are buying a house and it isn't done until June so instead of breaking our lease, we both will  just stay where we are. A win for both parties.

A good house wife

The past two months we have been on a grand adventure. We finally learned how our lives would be when I started teaching come fall. I took an interim position at a local high school for 7 weeks teaching biology. It began on January 3 when everyone came back from Christmas break and ended last Friday, February 22.  What I learned from my experience is that I miss the middle schoolers! If I could teacher chemistry or biology to middle schoolers I most definitely would. This experience helped me see what kind of teacher I currently am and what I want to become. How do I want to do things? How do I want my students to behave? How do I want to be treated when it comes to my own classroom?

 We  realized how much we cherish time with each other. Now, this was close to student teaching but on a much grander scale. With Allen working second shift (2-10) our time together is valuable. It was more hard on me than him. The way he explained it was this. He sleeps all day until about noon, gets up and ready, works from 2-10, comes home unwinds until 2 or 3 in the morning then goes to sleep. There is no real down time for him to think about it. Now for me, its a completely different story. Get up at 6, get ready and out the door for school until 4:30, come home cook dinner (or not) and clean up a little (or not), then down time until 9 almost every day. So there is plenty of time for me to get lonely and it took a major tow on our relationship. The past few days I haven't been able to get enough of him and now he says I can be a housewife which means that everything stays clean and tidy, dinner is waiting when he gets home and I am not so grumpy anymore. We will see how that goes. :)

I am still learning that God has his reasons and timing for everything. One thing I am not good with is turning things over to Him. I like control and holding onto everything. But I realized something i guess about December (yes it took that long), once I gave our fertility issues over things began to change. He placed a new doctor at our feet and she actually knows what PCOS is and how to actively treat it. Her first words weren't "The only way to treat it is by you losing weight." She looked at me as a person. She looked at Allen and I as a couple wanting answers. She got my PCOS under control and is now helping us trying to begin writing the next chapter in our book of life. I think God was waiting for us to come back to Him and let go of the hold of control that was so tight for so long.

What now?

What a day! People have asking "So, do you feel any different?" And the answer is I don't know. I don't think it has really hit me yet that I just graduated from college. Even sitting in the rows waiting for my name to be called didnt really help everything sink it. Graduating from high school, yeah that felt different. . But college not so much. This was a humongous step in my life. If you haven't been following along this little journey of mine then here's a quick run down of my timeline.

September 1, 1989- born
August 1992-started kindergarten
February 5, 1993- became a big sister
October 5, 1994- became a big sister again.

(Skipping the boring stuff)

August 2003- began high school
May 13 2004- diagnosed with an Astrocytoma Brain tumor
June 11, 2004- surgery to remove said tumor
August 2004- sophomore year of high school
October 2004- began having seizures
February 2005- first day back to school since seizures began
April 2005- first date

(Skipping more boring stuff)

May 2007- high school graduation
August 2007- began college at MTSU

(More boring stuff)
December 25, 2010- engaged to high school sweet heart (first date guy)
August 11, 2011- married high school sweet heart
December 15, 2012- graduated from college

So do I feel different? Not really. But i have realized how thankful I am for all the people that got me to this moment.
-I am thankful for the amazing parents I have that we're always there through the good, bad and the ugly.
-I am thankful for my mom. Who has always been my best friend. Held my hair back when I was puking, held my hand when I was scared, and always open for a much needed hug.
- I am thankful for my sister and brother. I don't know how things would be today without them. After sharing a room with my sister for oh 16 years, I still miss it today.
-I am thankful for all the friends and family that kept encouraging and praying for me throughout my life.
- And finally I am thankful for my husband. I am glad it was raining that April day otherwise We might not be together today. Thank you for always being right beside me in everything I do. You always believed in me with everything I did and will do. I am so happy to be able to share this time with you. I can't wait to see what God had in store for us on the next leg of our journey.


So, what's next? I am a college graduate with a degree in chemistry and biology and a minor in education. I survived cancer, epilepsy and I am going to be a teacher. I want to inspire students just as I was to reach for the stars. With hard work and perseverance you can be anything you want to be. Just look at me!

Christmas Lights and puzzle pieces

Yes, I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet and I have already changed my layout but what can I say, I love Christmas. I have already put lights around the living room window. Christmas cards a almost filled out. The only things that has not been done is the Christmas tree and playing the Christmas music. Soon enough though.

31 Days until graduation! That means I have spent 5 1/2 years, that's 84 weeks, 588 days, 14,112 hours, 846,720 minutes, 50,803,200 seconds of college and it all comes down to 31 days left. That's insane and scary at the same time. Who would have thought that a girl who had a brain tumor and has epilepsy could graduate college with a degree in Chemistry and Biology and a minor in education. Life is like a puzzle and God has the box. At least some of the piece are beginning to fit together.

Since our year anniversary, people have been saying or asking something about children. "It's been a year, you know what that means?" I don't mind the asking but the last few days it has brought back memories. I have my days when the memory gets triggered but overall, we were just going with the flow of things. It has almost been a year since our little one went to heaven. This year hasn't been the easiest. Since the PCOS diagnosis in April, our lives have changed directions again. It was an answered prayer because now we know what is going on. I just have to trust in God that he has a plan for Allen and I and this was just a step in the journey. He never gives us anything we can't handle, right?

We have decided to take the next step since my regular doctor has no clue about PCOS and how to treat it. We finally made an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist for December 4. I guess I was scared to make the appointment. I was unsure of the unknown and another doctor on top of the 5 others. But one thing I do know is that in order to begin our family we need to find out how to help this PCOS or at least how to get it under control. So, a new journey has begun. The only thing is that I want a cup of coffee that is actually caffeinated.

Never too old to learn something new

9 weeks down 7 more to go! During the past 9 weeks I have learned several things. Like never leave your favorite pen on your desk or some child will take it. Bribery still works with students especially with ice cream sandwiches. When something happens unexpected, like almost catching the school on fire, don't freak out! Yes, it did in fact happen.

 My first placement was definitely....... enlightening. I learned a lot about myself as a person and a future teacher. I also learned that college did not prepare me for the classroom. I learned that students think you are older than you look because you are classified as a teacher. I learned to never turn your back.

I have now moved on to my second placement. On my first day, I learned another new concept. Middle schoolers are totally different than high schoolers. Sadly, I want to stick with high schoolers. I can blow things up and set things on fire. They don't wear their hearts on their sleeves. I can definitely do more of what I like to do.

How has this experience effected our marriage? Considering we see each other 2 nights a week, really it is only 1 since i have to work one of those, it is going.....who am I kidding. It is crap. I think it is harder on me since I am the one that is home ALONE after school and while he is home he is asleep then goes into work so he doesn't notice it as much. When Allen first got put on first shift I was excited. Get to have him home more, actually sleep in the same bed, not be home alone at night. It would be great! yeah, it was up until, oh 9 weeks ago! If this is how it is going to be when I start teaching then I want a change. WAHHH! (stomps feet)

No, I dont always act like a child when I dont get my way. The Lord convicts me of it for sure. Sometimes, I would just like to cook dinner a hot dinner for two instead of a hot dinner for one and a microwave plate for the other. Oh the joys of being the wife of a second shift security Sargent for Nissan.